Why do some students feel lonely at university?
Some factors that may induce feelings of loneliness:
- Difficulty making friends and struggling with social pressure
- Fear of missing out, particularly if you live at home, or you are a mature or post graduate student.
- Moving away from the familiarity of home and family
- Adjusting to a new environment, like student halls, a new city or country
- Feelings of isolation from the pressures of studying at a new academic level
How to tell if you’re lonely?
To feel lonely is not the same as feeling alone. You may be surrounded by a network of friends and family but still feel lonely. Read the following statements to help you think about how you are feeling:
- I don’t have someone I feel really close to.
- I don’t have much in common with the people around me.
- I don’t know many people to hang out with.
- No-one asks how I’m feeling, or how my day went.
- I don’t have anyone I can be myself around.
- A problem is getting me down, but I can’t tell anyone.
- I can’t join in with things because I feel different to others (i.e., because of money, age, disability, religion, politics).
You may identify with one or more of these, or something else entirely. It may not be definable – you just feel like something’s missing.
There are also physical and behavioural cues to watch out for, like feeling more stressed than usual. You may notice changes in how much you eat, sleep, and exercise to cope with feelings.
Is it normal to feel lonely at university?
It can be easy to feel that you are alone in feeling lonely, but it is much more common than you may think. According to a study by Four Nine and YouGov, 41% of students feel lonelier now than they did before the pandemic. A further 43% expressed concern over opening up to people for fear of being a ‘burden’.
How to cope with loneliness at university
Reach out and talk to someone
If you’re feeling lonely, it can be easy to shut down and withdraw from other people, but this makes it worse. Try reaching out to the people around you, like someone you live or study with. If talking to someone is too big of a step, try talking to our chaplain, Ella Sharples, speak to a trained volunteer from the peer support scheme: WANT TO: TALK or join the Buddy Scheme.
Set realistic goals
Set yourself a target of speaking to someone new each time you go to a lecture, arranging to go for a coffee with one of your flatmates, and going on a certain number of social events every week.
You can then build up to bigger targets such as joining a club or society or starting a new hobby.
Join a society or club
Queen Mary Students’ Union has over 300 sports clubs, societies, and music groups that you can join. One of the best ways to combat loneliness is to encourage yourself to join one. Joining a society is a great way to meet people with similar interests, become part of a community, and broaden your social circle.
Stay connected with family and friends
If you are feeling lonely, it is important to stay in touch with friends and family for that instant mood boost. Pick up the phone, arrange virtual catchups, or invite loved ones to stay with you.
When to seek professional help
For some, feelings of loneliness and homesickness can run deeper and may not improve over time. Other symptoms or mental health conditions such as panic attacks and anxiety, may develop as a result. Therefore, if you find these feelings overwhelming and are dominating your life, it is important to seek professional help.
Here are professional services you can contact for further support:
- The Advice and Counselling Team.
- Samaritans – phone, email, and face-to-face listening service.
- Student Minds – guidance and support tailored to university life.
- Mind – mental health support and advice (including for loneliness).
- Your GP - request an appointment to talk to a doctor.
Queen Mary Students’ Union offers a range of resources and signposts organisations that can help support you.
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